La rentrée

La rentrée: a French term that means ‘back to school’.*
Tomorrow I start a new job – not unusual for a freelancer like myself. Some are long and some are short. Some are ad-hoc, some are more permanent. Some jobs are collaborations between me and the client, some between the client and me: there’s a subtle difference in that ordering.
Whatever the case, every time a new role comes along there’s a new folder open on my desktop and an actual new one sitting on my shelves. New scheduling for lunch breaks, new starts and stops, new systems to get to grips with, and of course the most basic ‘new’: the business of learning to write in a whole new voice. Us freelancers go back to school many times a year, and that’s just how we like it.
I’ve used this picture before, finding it relevant to the kind of posts in which I’m talking about wearing many hats. In this case it’s also symbolic of the ‘new girl’ feeling that comes with the territory.
I’m not a fan of the term ‘imposter syndrome’, I think it’s a bit heavy. But I often find myself thinking, the night before a new role, about my approach to work, and my credentials, and my abilities, and my attitude and all the rest.
Of course there’s a reason why we do this and it goes hand in hand with the concept of actors having to get the chills. A dash of fear goes a long way.
But the older I get and the higher I climb up my self-set career ladder, the bigger the drop. This knee-jerk vertigo instinct of looking down is entirely normal, but never comfortable. Doesn’t it make sense that we do it, though?
I’m much happier in the settling in period if I relax a little about the whole ‘new girl’ thing. I tell myself that it’s OK to be new, and for the client to be new to me, and that life would be dull if we knew it all.
There’s a reason why people like me choose to be freelance. I pick my clients just as carefully as they pick me and I know that tomorrow evening I’ll be switching off with a smile.
No clever sign-off today, though. Just an early night.

*Title pinched from the newsletter of one of my favourite regular clients, Rose Fulbright, for whom going back to school is always a pleasure